put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
