She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
