Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
