how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
This is classic penis vs brain.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
