Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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