i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
