My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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