I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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