dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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