Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
