I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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