If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
