and i looked up. we had an audience...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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