that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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