It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize