And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
