She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
