birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
