coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
