Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
