I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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