he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
