My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
