Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
