I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
