i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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