yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
