Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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