Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
