woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
