I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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