it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
