Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
