i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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