i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
