Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
