Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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