Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
