I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
