We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
