Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
