real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
love makes seman taste better
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Someone shattered a urinal.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
