Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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