i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I want to fling myself into the sun
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
