just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
