Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
