i would punch a child for taco bell
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
