My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think I just sharted jello shots
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