Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
