My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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