Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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