i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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