Me. At least after what I've been through.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
